You DO matter!
“What I don’t like and what I want”: You do matter. If you find that you are often treated as if you don’t matter, meaning, people feel they are “allowed” to upset you, they feel they are “allowed” to ignore you, they feel they are “allowed” to be nasty towards you, they feel they are “allowed” to say what they like to you, without holding back, there’s a strange reason they do this to you. For example, if, while you were growing up, your views and interests were ignored, if you were bullied or a sibling regularly attacked you and no adult stopped this – no matter how these actions hurt or angered you – you could eventually come to believe that you don’t matter. Now, as an adult, when you interact with others, you will act such that the way you feel, the way you think, the way you speak and your overall posture will give others the message that “I don’t matter” and they will then treat you as someone who doesn’t matter! Have you had enough of this? What you DO know is, “I don’t like this!” Wanting others to treat you differently will not work on it’s own. So how do you change this? You change it by turning towards yourself and then you start TREATING YOURSELF as a person who does matter! For example, If you are suffering and in a negative state, you matter sufficiently to think kindly about yourself and to settle your body-in-distress – perhaps by breathing deeply. If someone is defining you negatively with words or, with behavior, you matter sufficiently to let them know how you see things, or how you feel, instead of silently carrying and maintaining their incorrect view. Doing this will change how you feel, how you think, how you speak, how you behave and will be seen in your facial expression and posture, all of these acting in concert to reflect to the world that “I matter.” This is “what you want” and this is what you will then start receiving from others.
Leslie Zimmermann
About Leslie
Leslie Zimmermann is a Jungian Analyst trained in the philosophy and psychology of C.G. Jung in Zürich and is based in Johannesburg. She offers a range of services, which she integrates, to meet the needs and aspirations of people. In a word, her work is in the service of wholeness. Wholeness includes both our vulnerabilities and our strengths, becoming conscious of our own unique mix of these, honoring our own unique way of functioning and with this knowledge and confidence, contributing as only we each can in our own way, to this evolving world we find ourselves to be a part of.
Besides having a Diplomate qualification in Analytical psychology, which qualifies me to write about the theory and practice of dream interpretation, I also have an Honours degree in Applied Psychology and a Masters degree in Research psychology, which qualify me to write about theories of human development, personality, abnormal psychology, social psychology, sociology and ethics. Also, theories and knowledge pertaining to sleep and dreams from a perspective of neuropsychological and biological systems.
Leslie specializes in Analytical Psychology, Voice Dialogue, Life Coaching solutions for business executives. Consulting and coaching for family owned and home-based business
For an appointment Leslie Zimmermann can be contacted on:
Email: leslie.zimmermann@gmail.com
Mobile: +27 (0)83 384 9812
Member: SAPC (South African Psychoanalytic Confederation); SAAJA (Southern African Association of Jungian Analysts); IAAP (International Association for Analytical Psychology); International Association for the Study of Dreams
When you suffer negative emotions and their accompanying negative thoughts, or uncomfortable tension, it is usually very difficult, or virtually impossible to shift them in order to return to a state of balance and a feeling of well-being – even when you use strategies of distraction or detachment. Both positive and negative emotions are key and act as important information markers regarding hungers tied to desires expressed as, “what I want or do not want” and “what I like or do not like.” But, for the suffering person, the exclusive focus tends toward the intense negative emotions, together with the accompanying ruminating, worrying, negative memories and negative future anticipations. (Bechara, 2004; Michl, L., et al 2013). Thus, instead of being able to act, so as to mindfully achieve metabolic self-regulation, the suffering person experiences helplessness. Unable to efficaciously fulfill their hungers and unable to settle the body-in-distress, they either find themselves in the therapy room or are doomed to endure both their hungers and the accompanying negative emotions, often with no recourse to beneficial solutions. Attending to the body in distress enables a return to efficient functioning of executive functions and has implications for decision-making and finding advantageous solutions, while additional attendance to hungers initiates and facilitates neural changes (Damasio, 1994; Bechara et al, 2004), which is essential if a shift towards less intense and less frequent negative emotions is to be successful over time.
“Consciousness is the rite of passage which allows an organism armed with the ability to regulate its metabolism, with innate reflexes, and with the form of learning known as conditioning, to become a minded organism, the kind of organism in which responses are shaped by a mental concern over the organism’s own life” (Damasio, 1999, P25).
